


Three AM at the Nail Salon

by l0w3l



Category: Better Call Saul (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28387299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/l0w3l/pseuds/l0w3l
Summary: Summary: Jimmy is in a dark place after his fight with Chuck. Can Kim save him from himself? Angst fic with a happy ending. TW: suicide attempt
Relationships: Jimmy McGill | Saul Goodman/Kim Wexler
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after Jimmy finds out Chuck recorded his confession about interpolating the Mesa Verde files, breaks into Chuck's house, and is arrested. Starts with Jimmy in the jail cell.

You don’t live a life like Jimmy’s and never think about it. Even as a kid, he hadn’t had it easy, and in his angsty teen years, the thought had crossed his mind more than he would like to admit. When a kid at his high school killed himself, Jimmy couldn’t stop thinking about it - about what comes after, and why people do it, and what his family would think if he did it.  
All those times, sitting in the back of the nail salon, sipping vodka from the bottle, listening to his message machine announce another day without any calls, he couldn’t help but wish to lay down and never get up again.  
It wasn’t that Jimmy wanted to shoot his brains out in the back of a nail salon. He really didn’t. But everyone has their breaking points, and he was beginning to wonder how much longer he could keep doing this. When he looked in the mirror, he saw an old man, zapped by years of hardship and failure. When he received his law degree, for one blissful moment, he saw his life as all opportunities, but just ask quickly that hope was extinguished, and he found himself in the same rut he had been stuck in virtually his entire life.  
The night Jimmy found out that Chuck had been sabotaging him, as he drove across the flat desert lands, he imagined that the landscape was covered in trees and he could wrap his car around one and be done with this whole miserable existence. He imagined the mortification his brother would experience with the realization that it was his fault. The thoughts were all too bittersweet because, deep down, he knew Chuck would never blame himself. At least, not for long. Admittedly it wasn’t all Chuck’s fault. Oh, he did blame Chuck for a lot, but this was a long time coming.  
Jimmy closed his eyes and pressed his foot on the pedal, but a ring from his cell interrupted him. Instinctively, he knew who it was. From its spot on the passenger seat, Jimmy could see the caller ID confirming that it was indeed Kim on the other end. He exhaled deep and long, trying to push down the guilt of allowing the call to drop.  
He’s relieved she doesn’t call back because he doesn’t think he could resist the urge to pick up again. He desperately longed to hear her sweet voice and to be soothed by her sympathetic words, but he just couldn’t burden her with all of his shit. He kept the darkness hidden around her. If she saw his real self, she wouldn’t know how to handle it. If he allowed himself to open up a little, he feared he wouldn’t be able to control what came pouring out. Kim knew many of the atrocities he had committed and was miraculously still by his side. But Jimmy was all too familiar with breaking points, so he did everything he could to hold on to her. She was the best thing in his life by a mile - by a hundred miles - and although he didn’t deserve her, he tried to. He wanted to deserve her, more than anything in the world. One day, she would meet someone else - someone in her league - and she would leave. There was no way Jimmy could blame her for that. All he could do was treasure the time he had with her as long as possible. Some days, he thought he should walk away, for her sake, to save her from himself, but in the end, he could never do it, so he kept trying to do right by her, and kept failing. He was pretty sure it was in his nature to screw up at this point.  
Tonight was different from any night before though. He didn’t turn the idea over and over in his mind, imagining what would be. He didn’t want to think about it at all, actually. He wanted to shove it to the back of his mind till the day was over and he could be alone and find the peace he needed.  
He sat straight up in the jail cell, trying to hold on to some semblance of dignity. He would not permit himself to break down. He choked down all emotions and stared impassively forward.  
As the hours passed, he thought of Kim and was glad that she hadn’t found out yet. The longer he sat in that cell, the greater his dread grew. Kim would be furious he hadn’t called, but if he had called, she would have come, and he could not let her see him this way.  
When the time came and “Mr. McGill,” was called up, he took a deep breath of preparation. He followed the guard into the courtroom with handcuffs around his wrists and began to plead not guilty when a door in the back of the room swung wide open and Kim came half-jogging in, clearly having rushed there. The guilt hit him hard when he refused her help. When she realized that she couldn’t convince him, her face fell. It made him sick, but when she stormed away he couldn't bring himself to follow either.  
He drove back to the office, thinking of what to say to Kim, but coming up empty each time. He always thought better on his feet.  
When he opened her office door and stepped in, he tried not to look too pathetic. The shame weighed down on him physically and he wanted to slump down on the ground right there, but instead he held himself up. Kim looked up from her desk, face unreadable.  
“I fucked up,” Jimmy admitted. When Kim said nothing he continued, “I’m sorry. I just fell into Chuck’s trap all over again. I played right into his hands. But I can’t let you represent me. I can’t bring you down with me. And you’re up to your eyeballs with Mesa Verde already, you shouldn’t suffer because Chuck’s a bastard and I’m an idiot. This is my screw up and I’ll fix it. I will clean up my own mess. This is my problem, not yours. And I know you want to help, because you’re wonderful, but I won’t do that to you. And I know you’re upset I didn’t call, but I knew you would come down and you’d be worried and it would just be a waste of your time,” Jimmy breathed in, not realizing how fast all the words had tumbled from his mouth.  
Kim stared for a minute longer and Jimmy sat with anxiety in the heavy silence.  
“Okay,” she said, strained.  
“Okay,” Jimmy agreed, plastering on a smile.  
He waited for a second, debating saying something more, but nothing came out and Kim had already returned to her papers, so he slipped away into his own office.  
Kim didn’t tell him that she was leaving, but he heard her opening and closing the doors and the sounds of footsteps walking away. He didn't expect her to say anything - there wasn't much to say - but the little hope he had held out was extinguished.  
For five minutes he sat at his desk, staring into nothing, before shaking himself out of the trance. Many times in his life, Jimmy had had to pull himself together in the midst of a shit storm, and this was only one last time.  
He shook his head, pushing away the ruminative thoughts at the edge of his mind, and switched his attention to the laptop in front of him. It took only a moment for him to find the document he was searching for: his will and testament. He promptly began to amend. All “Charles McGill”s become “Kimberly Wexler”s.  
When he finished, he leaned back in his chair and took a look around the office.  
Orange sky seeps through the shutters and creates shapes on the carpet. He knew it was a beautiful sight, but found it altogether uninteresting. He couldn’t find it in him to appreciate this type of thing today. He stood up and began to shuffle his way to Kim’s office and opened the door slowly. He took his time with each step, like it was of vital importance, until he reached her desk. It’s organized and clean, just like Kim. Jimmy didn’t realize he’s smiling thinking of Kim, but his face dropped when he saw the sticky notes and remembered what he was here for.  
He stared at the sticky notes, waiting for them to give him answers, but they did not relinquish. Jimmy didn’t want to start the gears of his brain turning, knowing that it would begin a spiral that he may not be able to stop, but this is something he had to do.  
He closed his eyes and sat in Kim’s chair. He thought he had a million things to say to her but now he had no clue. It was hard to imagine the pain Kim would experience. He wasn’t much, but he knew she cared about him for some inexplicable reason.  
Jimmy had always been one for words. He learned how to manipulate with his colorful words. He had gotten himself and his clients out of more than a few sticky situations because of his mouth. Yet sitting in the dim light of his best friend’s office, knowing he was about to deeply wound her, he couldn’t find the words to say.  
I’m sorry.  
He looked at the words. It seemed appropriate. She deserved an apology - for this and for everything. He held the pen against the pad, deep in thought.  
I love you.  
He hadn’t said it before, but it was no secret. The way he looked at her with pure adoration, like she was a goddess, or the way he would do whatever she asked of him, no matter what. He may as well have said it out loud, but he reasoned that if she felt the same she would have said so by now. Jimmy was always silently shouting “I love you”, but the truth was he was just amazed that she had ever given him the time of day. He wouldn’t allow himself to be so greedy, or unrealistic, to think Kim could fall in love with him. But now, it seemed appropriate. Now, he needed her to know.  
Thank you.  
If it wasn’t for Kim, Jimmy wouldn’t be where he was. He had no idea where he would be, but he knew for sure it wouldn’t be anywhere near as good if it didn’t include her. She had believed in him through his school, shared his joy when he passed the bar, offered kindness and light in a dim world. There were a million and a half things to thank her for. His heart hurt in his chest, thinking of never seeing her again.  
Goodbye.

The nail salon after hours was a place suspended in time. He felt like the dark of the night would never let up and he was okay with it, glad to be in this world and away from the other with its harsh reality and painful truths. He would like to say that his problems had been left behind in that world, but the truth was they haunted his existence. When he entered the back room, he was slightly caught off guard by how empty it was. The giant desk had taken up a lot of space and without it, it seemed almost lacking. He felt a pang of longing for the old days, before he had found out about what Chuck had done and when his life was simpler. Still incredibly shitty, but eternally simpler.  
Jimmy put down the objects he had brought with him and pulled out the futon, flopping down accordingly. The mattress was hard and the room was dingy, but it felt like home.  
Jimmy flipped over and grabbed one of the items he had brought with him: a bottle of whiskey.. It was an expensive whiskey he had tried long ago and was quite fond of. It was his last night on Earth, Jimmy told himself, may as well have something nice to drink. $8 vodka had its time and place, and many times before, that place was this room and in the dark hours of the morning, but tonight, he could afford to treat himself.  
He screwed off the cap and chugged. It went down smoothly, although Jimmy found himself coughing from the generous swig anyways.  
Jimmy laid down on the bed, bottle cradled in his arms, staring at the ceiling, full of mold spots and water damage and the perfect place to be right now. If, of course, he couldn’t be by Kim’s side.  
“Chuck was right,” Jimmy told the room, “I’m not a real lawyer. This,” he said emphatically, “is not the office of a real lawyer. I can’t believe I’ve lied to myself all these years.”  
He found it comforting to talk out loud, considering he never spoke these thoughts to anyone, audibly hearing them was a first.  
He let the words tumble out of his mouth, without censor, only truly considering them afterwards.  
“I’m such an idiot. How did it get this far?”  
Chuck was a sonofabitch, but he was also a genius. If Chuck said that he shouldn’t be a lawyer, maybe Jimmy should have listened. If he hadn’t ever gone into law, would Chuck be happy with him? Chuck insisted he wanted what was in Jimmy’s best interest, but it sure as hell didn’t feel like his best interest. Imagining how proud Chuck would be, how glad he would be that Jimmy didn’t work in a mailroom anymore, pushed him through the long nights of study. Maybe the fact that he didn’t catch on to Chuck’s schemes was proof that Chuck knew better.  
“Fuck you, Chuck,” Jimmy addressed the room again. Chuck had only been happy when Jimmy was demeaned. He hadn’t wanted him to succeed - no, he actively prevented him from succeeding. Is this what he wanted? Maybe all along he had been hoping Jimmy would off himself and leave him alone.  
Jimmy knew the thought was overdramatic, but he realized that it is partially true: Chuck had wanted him to fuck off for some time now. He had been clinging to a brother that didn’t want him. It was pathetic. He was ashamed at the thought of all the people who had witnessed his cloying. They knew too that he wasn’t a real lawyer. They had seen his shame. Chuck had made a fool of him, time and time again. But Jimmy always came back. Why couldn’t Chuck just have forced him to leave long ago, and all this pain could have been avoided.  
“God knows I’d still end up here,” the room neither agreed nor disagreed.  
Jimmy was never meant for success. He had struggled and fought his whole life and never realized it was a sign to give up. But tonight, the trials and tribulations were over.  
He closed his eyes and felt the alcohol climbing up his body. It was warm and comforting and he was glad for it.  
He took another swig, not caring that the first hasn’t totally hit him and that he was going to get hammered. He deserved this gluttony, he decided. He didn’t deserve much, but a drink before you die seemed pretty fair.  
Jimmy shot up, realizing that the inebriation may cause problems down the road. He quickly withdrew the second object he had tossed on the floor: a thick, braided belt. He had stopped by a store on his way to purchase it, assuming it was easier than figuring out how to fashion a noose. He fiddled with the belt, working out the mechanics, before attaching it above the door, on the heavy, metal bar that swung with the door as it opened and closed. It didn’t look incredibly sturdy, so he held onto it with both hands and lifted his feet off the floor. It held and Jimmy sighed, throwing himself back on the bed.  
When he closed his eyes, he saw Kim. She’s far enough away that her face was hard to make out. He focused and she began to slide forward into view. She was crying. Jimmy wanted to turn it off, but his mind was racing on its own, without his permission. He could only watch helplessly.  
Kim was sobbing now, tears flowing freely down her face.  
“Why?” she mouthed.  
“I have to,” he answered honestly. This was the only way to be free of all his failures and mortal pain. His life was headed downhill, all he was doing was speeding it along. But the look on Kim’s face made him think his heart was breaking in his chest.  
“I’m sorry,” he told her, but he couldn’t see her anymore. He opened his eyes to the concrete ceiling. He couldn’t push the thought of her away. He allowed himself to ruminate in the memories.  
There they are, in the mail room, Kim opening his letter from the bar association, and the unexpected kiss she had given him that made his heart flutter. He had spent months thinking about it.  
The memory shifted and they were getting drinks after work. Jimmy is in a fantastic mood, and combined with the alcohol, that made him just the perfect amount of drunk to let some secrets fly.  
When he blurted out something about always having dreamed of being with her but knowing how out of his league she was, she surprised him with a passionate kiss. It was deep and he got lost in it.  
His memories shifted again and he’s in bed with her for the first time. He soaks in every bit of her, sure that it would never happen again. He relishes each moment like a miracle, not quite sure if it is real. She looks as radiant as the sun to him. He takes his time kissing her, unwilling to let a single second go to waste.  
During their friendship, Jimmy had learned to bite his tongue. All the times it would have been so easy to let the words slip out, but he had somehow managed to fight those urges for years. He could not do anything to endanger what they had, so he never spoke a word of his love aloud.  
He wasn’t good for Kim, and this was a betrayal, but the last one he would ever commit. He knew she would be hurt, even if she shouldn’t waste her time on him, and he hated himself for putting her through it. But he also knew that Kim would move on and be better off without him fucking up her life.  
He thought of the practice, and swallowed down another round of guilt. He had already tainted it by getting arrested, and now this. She could tell the clients it was an accident, such a tragedy, but wasn’t anyone’s fault. Maybe it would be better that way, rather than Jimmy going to trial and bringing more attention to Kim. The scandal could be buried with him.  
Jimmy was nursing his bottle and growing tired. He began to cry. He hadn’t cried in years. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he cried. Maybe when his mom died, but not at the funeral. Never in front of anyone else. Now, alone in the dark, private from prying eyes, it felt good. He felt like he was able to mourn his losses finally. He could appreciate the pain he had been through was not small, and that it had exhausted him. He finally allowed himself to think self-pitying thoughts, ruminate in the sorrow, wallow without shame.  
When the room began to swim and he felt his eyes growing heavy, he decided it was time.  
He balanced himself with a hand on the wall, so woozy he nearly tripped, even with the added stability. The little chair he had used to put up the rope was tipped over nearby. He went to pick it up, but fell down, numb to the scrapes he had just received.  
He placed the chair in front of the door from his position on the floor, before pulling himself up on the bed behind him with both arms and a great deal of effort. It would involve finesse to perch himself on the chair, he sighed, and stood once again. He climbed back onto the stool and grabbed the belt, clinging tightly to keep from falling, which he nearly did twice more.  
Finally, Jimmy found himself with the belt around his neck. He pulled it tight and it made him think of putting on a tie. He found this melancholy enough to be almost amusing. With one final breath, he kicked the chair out from under him. His feet swayed inches from the ground, suddenly wild with adrenaline, kicking out in search of solid ground. Jimmy’s throat shut so tight he couldn’t even cough. His fingers desperately searched for a way to remove the collar, but to no avail. The world turned black and the ringing in his ears was like a fire alarm.


	2. Part 2

Kim stared at the alarm clock for a good forty five minutes until she accepted the fact she was not going to fall back asleep. It was 3:30 in the morning and her mind was already busy with stress from the previous day. She hadn’t said much yesterday, but the truth was she was pissed and hurt by what Jimmy had done. He had some sort of complex about her, about not being good enough or burdening her. She didn’t see him that way, though, and she wished he could understand that. He pissed her off a lot, but she also longed to be around him even in those petty fights. She had forgiven Jimmy for things she may have never forgiven another person for. He was Jimmy, after all. He had a golden heart, if not a bent moral compass. She had seen his potential from the first day she met him in the mail room. She had also watched him fulfill it. So it hurt her to see Chuck tearing him down. Jimmy kept quiet, but it was easy for her to see he was in pain. She wanted to help, but it wasn’t a simple fix. She was sure she could wear him down, make him realize how she wanted to care for him the way he cared for her, but he always continued his belief that she was a better level of person than he.   
The thoughts of what happened yesterday swarmed her mind, until she acquiesced and picked up the phone.  
She clicked Jimmy’s number and waited for him to pick up. The call rang through to his message machine. She frowned furtively. Jimmy was the kind of person who always had their phone charged and on, save Chuck’s house, but she knew he wasn’t there.   
Again, she called. Then a third time. Each time the phone rang all the way through to the voicemail. She figured he was still at the office. It was a better place to sleep than the nail salon, and he didn’t have an apartment since he left the agency. Admittedly, even she had spent a late night sleeping on that office couch.  
She considered for a moment her level of tiredness, and decided that the excitement of yesterday was too much to lay back down, so she threw on some clothes and left. She needed the company, and Jimmy had been such a big jerk he owed her one. The ride was brief, but her thoughts were turning negative, and she was eager to reach the office.   
As she finished twisting the key in the lock, and entered the building, she still felt a sense of anxiety that she can’t shake. He isn’t in the waiting room.  
“Jimmy,” she calls, “Jimmy... Jimmy... Jimmy!” she got louder each time as she walked towards his office, but when she entered, she found it too was empty. She furrowed her brows. Maybe he slept in her office, she considered, and opened the door beside Jimmy’s.   
She stepped inside to check and found it empty. When she went to turn around she spotted something out of place on the desk. A flip phone. Jimmy’s flip phone. She picked it up and saw that the screen read 3 missed calls. The illumination from the screen casted a light on her desk and something else caught her eye. The sticky notes had been moved and there was something written. She flicked on the lamp and examined the note.   
I’m sorry.   
I love you.  
Thank you.  
Goodbye.   
Kim’s heart dropped in her chest. Fear gripped her body. This looked bad. He could have taken off, but he wouldn’t have left his phone. And “I love you,” wasn’t something they said out loud. If he was saying it explicitly, that meant he didn’t think he would see her soon. Or again.   
But it was the “Goodbye” she found most striking. She knew what it meant, but couldn’t stand to believe it.   
“Jimmy,” she said, tears falling down her cheeks.   
In a half second, Kim was in the car. She had to find him and stop him. He hadn’t done it yet, she told herself. She mustn't even entertain the thought. She didn’t stop at the red lights on empty streets, unwilling to waste a single moment.   
Before she even pulled into the parking lot, she could see the hideous yellow junker Jimmy drove. The sick fear was only exacerbated.  
When she arrived at the front door, she banged wildly. When no answer came, she was nearly ready to kick it down, when she realized it wasn’t locked at all.   
“Jimmy! Jimmy!” she cried, running across the linoleum, no holds barred. The silence was terrifying.   
When she reached the office door she found it was not locked, but as she turned the handle a heavy object blocked the way, “Jimmy! What’s going on?” she put her shoulder against the door and shoved hard enough to squeeze through. It takes a moment for her to register the horror she was witnessing.   
Jimmy was hanging by a belt around his throat, face bright red and eyes closed. The room was overpowered with the smell of alcohol and a decent bit seemed to be spilled on him as well. His mouth hung open, and his body was entirely limp. Kim moved quickly, replacing the chair under his feet. His limp legs did not wake up to stand so she grabbed him tightly and lifted him so he wasn’t only hanging by the rope. She could barely hold him up, balanced on a chair that felt like it could hardly hold her weight, but managed to snake her arm up to his neck and began to struggle with the buckle. She wrestled with it frantically, heart pounding in her chest and fear bubbling up in her throat. It felt like an hour that she was trying to unhook him. Finally, she got it loose. Almost the second she has managed to free him, they both fell to the floor.   
Jimmy hit his head on the ground, but Kim had been able to slow the short fall and, although the bump was unfortunate, it could have been a lot worse. She found herself partially under Jimmy and extricated herself. She knelt over him, not noticing or caring about her tears. She was no paramedic, but leaning over Jimmy, seeing him still and unbreathing, everything she had ever learned about CPR came back. She began to breathe into Jimmy’s mouth, then pulled away and performed three quick presses on his chest. His mouth was cold and his body was disturbingly lifeless. She had never seen him so still. Jimmy was always so lively. This was unreal.   
Again and again, Kim repeated the steps. She couldn’t stop, because that meant it was real.   
Then, a miracle happened. A little sputter erupted from Jimmy’s lips.   
“Jimmy,” she wept, watching the shallow breaths he took. Each one was incredible to Kim, “I thought I lost you. I thought you were gone,” she put her head against his chest, unconcerned with the alcohol and vomit. Nothing mattered except the fact that Jimmy was alive. She cried into his shirt until his breathing became even and she heard his heartbeat turn steady. Finally, she raised her head to look into his eyes.   
He looked entirely different than how she had ever seen him. There was no shine in his eyes, no sparkle to his personality. He didn’t try to plaster on a fake smile, or even offer a melancholy sympathetic look. He looked empty, to the point it felt like he might be staring straight through her.   
“Why?” she whispered.  
Jimmy closed his eyes. Kim tried not to think of the disturbing look on his face just a few minutes earlier. It was gone now, but with it left something vital. Some part of Jimmy. He didn’t answer - couldn’t possibly think of a reply if he wanted to. His brain had not returned to normal functions. Everything was a bit confusing and dark and thoughts slipped away before he had even finished them in his mind.   
The two lay on the hard floor for a long time. Jimmy didn’t think he could move at all and Kim couldn’t move away from his heartbeat, needing to know it was still there. Kim wasn’t sure if Jimmy was awake or not when she murmured, "I love you." She glanced up to see his expression relax the slightest bit. She thought she could even see a ghost of a smile on his lips.  
The two fell asleep, both entirely drained with nothing left to give.  
The sun didn't take long to rise, but no light filtered into the back office. If it weren't for a door slamming open and the owner of the salon yelling at them in Vietnamese, they may have slept the entire day.   
Kim sat up immediately, doing her best to adjust to the surroundings as fast as possible. The woman continued shouting, some in English, most in her native language. Kim was glad not to understand most of what she was saying, not ready to face a barrage of insults this early in the morning.   
Kim turned back from the door and pushed Jimmy, “Wake up”. He only groaned in return, “Come on, wake up,” Jimmy squinted, watching the woman furiously scold him with semi-interest. Kim shook him again and this time, he began to gather himself. She pulled on his arm to help him sit up.  
“I’m sorry. We’ll clean everything up,” Kim offered lamely. The woman seemed to have exhausted her anger and gave them a few more choice words, before storming off. The door slammed behind her. Jimmy moaned beside Kim.   
“I think I’m simultaneously still drunk and hung over,” said Jimmy.   
Surprisingly it was Jimmy who was the first to stand. He gently helped Kim up, but she didn't really need it. She watched as Jimmy began to put the futon back into the couch. He fumbled a bit so she walked over and helped.   
The pair surveyed the room, taking account of all the mess that had been made last evening.   
“What time is it? I can’t keep being late to these appointments. These old people only have so much time left.”  
Kim stared incredulously. She wanted to be surprised by him pretending this didn’t happen, but it was much more in character than anything he had done in the past ten hours.  
He saw the disturbed look on her face, “I’m so sorry, Kim,” he said, dropping the facade.   
“How could you do this to me?” she didn’t care that it sounds selfish because suddenly she was welling up with anger, “And just leave me with a few words on a notepad? Just walk out on me? You were dead. What would I do?” when Jimmy didn’t reply, only looked ashamed and mournful, the anger drained out of her, “Why?”  
He shrugged, “this has been a long time coming. It seemed best for everyone-”  
“How could that possibly be the best for everyone?” she asked, unconsciously raising her voice.   
“Kim, you are the best thing in my life. I honestly still cannot believe that you ever even looked at me,” he gave a lopsided smile, “but I’m the worst thing in your life. I’ve endangered your career multiple times. You were always too good to me. I mean let’s face it: I’m a screw up. That’s just who I am. You’d be much better off without me.   
“And Chuck - I mean, he actually knows the world would be a better place without me. I don’t blame him for that. I mean he’s a world class son of a bitch, but he was right-”  
“Jimmy!” Kim didn’t mean to shout. Tears stung at the corners of her eyes, but she fought them back, “how could you say that? You know that’s all bullshit!”  
Jimmy looked unfazed, “I didn’t want to believe it.”  
Kim was at a loss for words. She really thought, deep down, Jimmy knew his worth, but here, standing in front of her, without a fake look of calm on his face, she could see that he no longer did. Jimmy exhaled deeply before going about putting the room back together. Many objects had been knocked over, and the floor had more than a bit of vomit on it that Jimmy couldn’t remember puking. The entire room stunk of liquor, but there was little to be done about that.   
“You can’t work today,” she stated evenly. It should be obvious but Jimmy just continued his tasks.  
“I rescheduled these people twice, and that new girl is already scared of us. If we don’t show, she might just quit.”  
Minutes stretched on while Kim stared at Jimmy working. He could feel her gaze- could practically feel the pain that radiated off her. Keeping up the mask was hard, and the longer he worked through the silence, the looser his lips became.   
He turned around finally and looked at Kim, “I shouldn’t have done that to you. It won’t happen again. It was a stupid mistake. I think the whole day just got to me,” he tried to explain away, but Kim wasn’t fooled. She only stared on. Jimmy looked down and the bit of light that broke through the tiny window illuminated him. She saw the huge bruise around his neck where the rope had been. The skin was turning from red to purple as the bruises formed. There were small cuts around his neck from places the rough rope had torn into his skin. Kim walked towards him. She stepped into his space, face inches from his, and reached a hand up, delicately running a finger on the irritated skin. Jimmy looked down, examining her expression, but she remained unreadable.   
Then he was wrapped in an embrace. Kim’s arms were squeezing him tight. When he realized what was happening, he fell into the hug. They held each other for a long time, and Jimmy was sure it was everything he needed right then. Kim had to feel him, make sure he was real, that he was warm and breathing and his heart was beating in his chest.   
Jimmy closed his eyes and nuzzled himself into her neck, and she squeezed him close and it filled his whole body with warmth. He found himself once more dumbfounded by the closeness to her. Kim lay one hand on the back of his head and ran her fingers through his hair. He was sure there was nothing like it.   
Kim knew the power she held over Jimmy. He would do anything she asked of him. He would go to any length to do what he thought would make her happy. It just so happened that he couldn’t get it through his head to stop committing crimes out of love, and as pissed as she was for what he had done, she couldn’t feel any anger or resentment in that moment. Her heart swelled with adoration. This man saw all of her and still thought she hung the moon in the sky. She could have kicked herself for never telling him she loved him. She waited a long time for him to say it, but he never did. She had thought she knew why: they had a tacit understanding. Jimmy wasn’t able to say it, but she knew it, and she had thought he knew that she loved him back. It wasn’t until today that she realized Jimmy didn’t think she loved him, nor did he believe he was worthy of her love. He had spent all this time genuinely thinking he wasn’t good enough for her.   
Kim didn’t see it that way. She knew Jimmy had his faults, and some were rather significant faults, but she saw his heart was good. She knew his goal was never to hurt anyone. Time and time again, he was scorned by Chuck and still came back to his bedside, tending to his condition and doing his best to get some form of approval. He had never left. Even now, she was sure he would find his way back to Chuck some day.   
Every feeling came pouring out into the embrace. The two were entwined for a long time when Kim broke the silence, “I love you, Jimmy.”   
“I’ve always loved you, Kim,” he murmured into her hair, and she smiled into his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read this far, thank you. I hope you enjoyed it.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is the first thing I've posted since I was 15. Let me know what you think? I can't name things for shit.


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